Life, Love and Fear

In February of this year my five year old sister became critically ill. She developed a rare, life-threatening illness that brought her horrible pain and suffering. She was put into a medically induced coma and placed on a ventilator for two weeks. My world was shattered. I hoped and prayed and bargained with God. I kept my head up and told everyone I was certain a full recovery was inevitable, but deep down I was terrified. Images of funerals, caskets and gravestones floated in and out of my waking dreams. My faith collapsed each evening only to rise again with the morning sun.

The hours, days, weeks spent sitting beside her and listening to her mechanical breaths brought much growth and wisdom. I stroked her little fingers with one hand and my pregnant belly with the other. I felt my Self slip away and maternal love take over. For the first time in my life I truly understood what it meant to live for another. Peace and serenity come not from seeking pleasure and comfort for myself, but from extending beyond my own needs and wants.

My little sister’s illness has prepared me for the birth of my child. She taught me to let go of the busy-ness and be still. She taught me to let go of the trivial and insignificant details. She taught me to love more and take less. My hope is that I can retain this lesson once the clouds of uncertainty have cleared and the illusion of security is restored.